I head back into the fray of Rodeo drive and run into even more french people, a Chinese guy with something on his face (I thought it was a goatee, but I guess I was wrong) and a man with 6 Ferraris. Not sure what the moral of this story is, but I guess no matter who you are, even if you can’t afford to shop at Fendi or Herve Leger, you can drive by those stores in a 15-passenger van with the top sawed off.

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Porsches, Ferraris, other big time cars, French people, some girls who claim to know a famous person, it’s all here in Beverly Hills, and yours truly, Frankie O’Toole is honored to be your tour guide. Come with me as I mingle with the classy people who inhabit a world where you are so rich you have a separate vehicle to make your Costco runs.

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ADULT-CON 3: BEYOND THE BEAVER SHOT AKA THE SOFTER SIDE OF PORN

Frankie O’Toole shows us the “softer side” of AdultCon: Winged Dancers, Lasik Eye Surgery, and kids who work with the blind. It’s all true, and it’s all real classy. See, AdultCon isn’t just for weirdos and degenerates, it’s for super nice people too.

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I continued my “sexual odyssey” at Adult-Con by meeting Sybil Hawthorne, a big time BDSM type porn star. She was very down to earth, even though she’s into things like being set on fire. Anyhow, she was nice enough to let me film her getting flogged by “the Sexual Mr. Miyagi” aka Black Morpheus. This was real classy and sensitive even though there was some choking and whatnot. Next, I got to meet a whole bunch of transsexual porn stars, and they were some of the friendliest peoples at the whole convention. We made a spiritual connection regarding thai food, even though I thought it might be a conspiracy because they all recommended the same exact restaurant—Amazing Thai in North Hollywood. Finally, I got to interview a lady in a box, and this might have been the most shocking event of the whole weekend. She told me she makes good money being put in a cage, and I figure she meant like $8 or $9 an hour. No! She makes $200 an hour!!! I suppose it’s just further proof that the United States is the greatest country on earth. And in that moment I really felt proud to be an American.

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Barb thought I was being a perv, but I wanted to show my audience the magic of AdultCon, one of the big time porn conventions. I met a lot of interesting type peoples, and learned about new sexual devices and even saw Ron Jeremy talking about his own brand of rum (probably tastes real nice). This is the first episode of a whole bunch from AdultCon because there was just so much happening there, and even though they kicked me out, I still had an incredible and very classy time.

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Frankie & Barb are back at Comic-Con and again overwhelmed by the “sexuality, different peoples with different armors and whatnot,” and especially that lady from Rachael Ray.

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Barb and I jump into the fire of Comic-Con and immediately realize that there is a super hot sexual underbelly type thing going on. It’s hard to describe, but before I knew it Barb was getting bit friendly with Mr. Chainmail, and later on some elf guy. We wound up having to film this whole episode ourselves because I technically bounced a check on our cameraman, but I have an explanation for that. I told him the check would be “good pretty soon, man.” But couldn’t be a civilized human being with a heart, and he left Frankie & Barb like we hadn’t even built a spiritual connection with the guy. Anyhow, enjoy the madness of Comic-Con!

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Peoples, remember when Los Angeles was entered into a nightmare tornado of traffic? No? Well, it turned out to mostly be a hype machine, but Frankie & Barb were there for it all live, broadcasting from Ted’s Hair Design, YogurtLand, and the parking lot of a McDonald’s/Coffee Bean. This is the footage they didn’t want you to see. Who are they? Probably the people who invented the Carmageddon propaganda system in the first place!

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All of Los Angeles was losing their minds over this Carmaggedon highway shut down. Barb and I decided to be human storm chasers, and drove right into the eye of the storm—the actual highway! Nobody said it could be done, I don’t even know if it was legal or un-legal, but we went for it! As it turns out, there wasn’t actually any violence or chaos, and in fact there really was less traffic than usual. But trust me the stakes were high as could be! Like Def-Con 1! Wait, is Def-Con 1 the worst or the best? I don’t know, but watch the episode!

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Carmageddon is about to explode as Barb and I enter the Whole Foods parking lot on a mission to document West Hollywood’s preparations for the madness. Unfortunately, after our high energy intro, nobody wants to talk to us. Perhaps they were intimidated by our intensity. Either way we found some spiritual type meanings in one lady’s shopping cart, and then the Whole Foods police arrived.

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NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY